the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
