Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize