Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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