Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
