I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
