Already got asked if we're dating
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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