I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
