Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut my penus on the lid.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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