Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize