just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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