Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
