Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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