Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
