I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
