so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
