I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
