i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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