I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
