no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Even the bartender felt bad for me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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