He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
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You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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