If i come over, it means nothing
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
