So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've blown a few things in my day
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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