Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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