i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
