U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
