This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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