Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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