u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize