Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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