Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
