She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
