wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
