she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
