did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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