The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You're like the curious george of whores
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
