It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
