i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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