I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
