if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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