Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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