I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
