He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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