I wanna passion pit in your ass
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
