I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
