So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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