Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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