i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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