I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
