Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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