I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This house was built for laser tag.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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