It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
