i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dicks are not precious.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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