Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Success! We fucked roommates!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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