you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
