You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I party with great urgency now.
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