when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
