I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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