my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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