Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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