My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You pole danced in your parka.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Terrible idea I love it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
