dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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