Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
