my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize