i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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