i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
