That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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