Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
