No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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