Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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