I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
