Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
