My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
