peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
