i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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