On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
